Part of the fun of moving to a new country is in embracing all that it offers - and spending endless hours beforehand planning your new life abroad. Needless to say, practical day-to-day stuff dominates (schools, health care, can you get ‘Neighbours’ on freeview - et al), even if it’s just a modest hop across the channel to la belle France.

Just as some Brits seem incapable of grasping various life skills which nos amis Francais handle with ease – drinking without fighting, penalty shoot outs, grammar and an appreciation that money isn’t everything amongst them, so our French cousins struggle with a thing or two themselves. Over complicated sink plugs which cease to function the moment the plumber’s fitted your new bathroom, chequebook stubs which run horizontally (rather than vertically) and fall out, cricket, edible sliced bread – and the realisation that if the entire population leave for their summer holidays at exactly the same moment, the motorway network will grind to a standstill.

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Dear Terry – thank you for your email. Of course I remember your early 80’s sitcom ‘Oops, Missus’ and its highly amusing racial stereotypes – pure comedy gold, I’m sure. I understand that you have now signed a deal with ITV 7+1 for a compilation repeat series, and in anticipation of the resulting royalties are looking to invest in property in our part of France.