Country life 5 ; Pink jobs and blue jobs

To guarantee a long and happy marriage - and get the most from your French rural life - some ground rules are important. So an understanding as to where you sit in the pecking order (below horses, kids and dogs, but just ahead of cats and hens) is crucial – as is an acceptance of your role as apprentice groom, pool cleaner, wood chopper, chief gardener, principal taxi driver and fixer of all things mechanical. And in the interests of an equal division of labour, while your remit includes the supply of funds into your bank account, the responsibility for their disposal (clearly above your pay grade) won’t.

And all of this works beautifully, right up to the point when the holidays start. Being freed from the usual day to day office routine - and having completed those tasks already set by the boss - you search around for the next thing to do. Quickly you find your competence at filling hay nets, hanging out washing, hoovering or even filling the bloody dishwasher properly is (apparently) questionable. The grass is too wet to cut, the veggie plot too sticky to weed, nothing needs mending and the kids (still in bed) don’t need taking anywhere.

That said, three cups of coffee later, the morning frost has gone. The sky is a peerless blue and it’s time for a ride - on horses rather than bikes, the idea of doing the latter scrapped after you’ve failed to fix multiple punctures. Again. And on your return, as ever, there’s a field full of equine poo to clear up, dogs to feed and a driveway full of cars requiring a bi monthly mucking out. No doubt after another dozen years in France you’ll have time to see more of it – but with a never ending list of chores, for now you’re limited to this bit. Happily though, there’s nowhere else you’d rather be.