Patience is a virtue

Or so your mother told you. And at times it’s a handy quality to have in la belle France too. So whilst waiting on the line for Orange or France telecom (their interpretation of customer service and conception of time as a valuable commodity being somewhat at odds with the remainder of the civilised world), remember to count to ten (you’ll have plenty of time) and take lots of deep breaths. Similarly when enquiring about anything in the electrical department of leclerc (where you’ll find yourself rendered invisible to any assistant you may spy) or attempting to buy even a bloody baguette between the hours of noon and 3pm. In short, a balanced karma is the only way to retain your sanity - and to enjoy all the good stuff as well. Omm.

And even with hostage negotiator levels of tolerance, you’ll find yourself strangely grateful that carrying concealed weapons is illegal, and the lack thereof is the only thing that’s stopped you leaving a trail of perforated functionaries in your wake. So it’s enlightening then to watch a master at work.

Just down from the office lies one of the village’s two butchers and, each morning, the biggest labrador in the world saunters up and lies in front of the door. Little white vans occasionally trundle by, other chiens on their morning wader sniff at and then mark their patch on the giant size wooden mushroom outside the shop, and the great and good of the bourg stop to ruffle his ears. But other than a friendly tail wag, his concentration is absolute. He’s been there since dawn, his considerable bulk all but blocking the pavement and every fibre of his being focused on the activity inside. And he waits.

Time oozes by like treacle, but eventually an apron adorned God (aka the butcher) with bone in hand, provides. Normally it’s the size of a tyrannosaur’s thigh, on occasion something more manageable, but is always, always, gratefully received. A brief encouragement to make his way home (rather than dismember the treat right there, so blocking access for paying patrons) and off he heads. A lesson for one and all – maybe your mum was right all along.