Black Saturday

Just as some Brits seem incapable of grasping various life skills which nos amis Francais handle with ease – drinking without fighting, penalty shoot outs, grammar and an appreciation that money isn’t everything amongst them, so our French cousins struggle with a thing or two themselves. Over complicated sink plugs which cease to function the moment the plumber’s fitted your new bathroom, chequebook stubs which run horizontally (rather than vertically) and fall out, cricket, edible sliced bread – and the realisation that if the entire population leave for their summer holidays at exactly the same moment, the motorway network will grind to a standstill.

So welcome then to Black Saturday when, lemming like, maman, papa et ses petits down a quick coffee and pain au lait (ie. an hour long breakfast), hop into the car avec le chien and head for the beach. That they did exactly the same thing on the first Saturday of August last year – and spent 10 hours stuck in a 50km long traffic jam – deters them not a jot, as this time they’ve google mapped a sneaky route along the back lanes, thereby avoiding the worst bottlenecks. This dangerously intuitive plan is somewhat buggered by the fact that thousands of others have done the same thing – but at least it means that when the engine eventually overheats whilst queuing to go through yet another village, an agreeable picnic can be had on the verge. And when at last the road clears and fifi has stopped chasing the sheep, the journey can continue.

Sometime late on Sunday the coast hoves into view, the guest house is found and the car parked (a brisk half hour’s walk distant, every other slot being occupied hours ago) – and, at last, the family have the chance to burn the soles of their feet on boiling hot sand and buy staggeringly expensive bottles of lukewarm evian from the beachside café. A glorious 3 week vacance follows, and with wallet and sun tan lotion bottles emptied, our family heads home – unfortunately on the same day as everyone else holidaying at Extortionate sur Mer. But it’s ok, dad has a plan…..