Bump

Somewhere deep in the bowels of ITV, hidden away on a dusty shelf are episodes of Randall and Hopkirk (Deceased). For those of you who don’t remember, the private detective and his ghostly ex partner outwitted baddies various and worked out of a traditional gumshoe’s office, complete with an acid etched glass door. Not hugely relevant perhaps, but from this mental clutter came a solution to a particular problem au bureau – namely our plate glass door.

Great though it is in theory (watching the world go by while heat, cats and kids are kept out), in practice folk wander in, shut the door behind them, quiz us on all things housey - then forget it’s there and smack into the glass on their way out. Living in the litigious world we do, this clearly (no pun intended) needed fixing – hence our eye level, faux frosted glass sign now attached to it.

Unintentional hazards d’entreé also await at the post office. Although no one in their right mind would attempt to rob it (given it’s usually closed and they keep virtually nothing in the till anyway), there’s an unexpected buzzer entry system on the front door. The locals know the routine, but during high season tourists regularly grab the handle, take an automatic step forward and bash their faces against it - thus providing hours of entertainment for the trio of old boys who occupy the bench opposite. And the whole security thing is especially daft when you can nip round the back and find the (even more sophisticated key pad coded) door wedged open as les facteurs have a crafty fag and chat.

Which comes in handy when you absent mindedly post a letter sans stamp, address or intended contents and ask them to fish it out of the letter box. But to avoid any unintended coronaries, do remember to remove your balaclava first.